I don't think anyone reads this site...nor do I care! I just need to let out some frustration, so here it goes!
I am sick of life right now....I feel like I am not good at ANYTHING in life and that life is just kinda BLAHHHHHHH right now. Don't get me wrong, there are still some things I love about life, but at this moment, I just feel crappy. I know God is going to use this time of lows to stretch me and guide me towards him. I NEED him....I WANT him.....I find comfort in knowing my God will never leave me nor forsake me!
Work is just kinda....go.....teach.....yell......get frustrated......feel like I am not making a difference.....and then go home....I am not happy anymore. I love kids and I love teaching, but when you don't have materials needed to teach or another person to do crowd control while I am trying to do crafts....it gets really frustrating. Then I am placed in several different classrooms throughout the afternoon. I hate jumping around for 30 min here and 30 min there......I want stability.
I know I have a lot of people in my life too....but at times I feel like I am soo alone. I have an amazing family, friends, community and an amazing boyfriend. However, life is soo crazy and busy it seems like everyone is consumed in their own little world and I am not part of that world. I love my boyfriend, but its hard being 8000 miles apart. Hes got stuff to do for work and school and family and can't always focus on me....and thats hard....friends and family all have their own families and life and don't want to spend any time with me.
School........OH MAN! I can't wait to be DONE! I am getting soo burnt out from hearing my professor talk for 3 hours on cells and organisms and proteins and enzymes....my brain can only take soo much after a 40 hour week with CRAZY KIDS and cramming for a test. My teacher doesn't understand how hard it is for us to go to work/school all day and all week and then have to sit in his Friday night class from 6-9 and really pay attention to what hes saying while we are frantically trying to copy all his notes into our notebooks.....he doesn't understand....or remember what its like.....and thats what I hate about some professors. They are soo stuck on THEIR subject and think its the best thing in the world. When in reality.....most of us are just taking this class so we can get the heck out of MJC. I seriously can't wait for biology to be DONE!
Well....all this to say....I really want a vacation. One away from screaming yelling kids, away from school and school work away from any responsibility other than to relax and have fun and spend time with the Lord. Maybe I should take a weekend trip to the beach just to relax and read Gods word...hmmmmm I might have to start planning! :) Well.. Time for me to head to the gym to get out MORE of this freakin frustration! LORD, I KNOW YOU ARE GOING TO USE THIS TIME AND THESE SITUATIONS TO STRETCH ME AND TEACH ME AND ALLOW ME TO GROW! I ASK THAT YOUR WILL WILL BE DONE IN ALL THESE SITUATIONS AND THAT I CAN GLORIFY YOU THROUGH THEM ALL! I LOVE YOU JESUS!!!
><> Shanelle
2 comments:
I didnt know you had a blog. Very cool, I will start reading. Shanelle, life does seem exactly how you described it, sometimes... I dont know what to tell you, other than Im here for you. If you want to hang out, have fun, and talk, let me know. I would love to do these things! Ive missed you so much! Also, I think you should get a new job... Thats my advice for you. Get a new job and hang out with me. Love you girl!
Okay, I TOTALLY understand how you are feeling! I have even felt this way being married! I just know that I get that way when I haven't been spending time with the Lord consistantly. Also I second what Kim said....GET A NEW JOB!!!! Can you go work for your parents or maybe uncle Jim?? Get out of there girl! It sounds VERY frustrating and it would be better to just move on!!Thirdly, you KNOW you can ALWAYS call me and I will talk with you......ANYTIME!! I feel like we have been bad at keeping in touch lately! I cannot wait for you to come and visit! It will be so much fun!!!! I luv you and I am praying for you! Go take a trip to the beach. It would be good for you.
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