Wednesday, August 15, 2012

*A day late*

August 14, 2012 

Not sure if anyone reads this anyway, but can't believe its been 2 years. Part of me feels like it was just yesterday and part of me feels like its been F O R E V E R already. I guess cause we've known each other for 7 years already! WoW.

 I will never forget the first time Jair said "I love you." I spent the day in San Francisco with my friends Cassy, Chrstina and Kim. We were walking on Pier 39 and I got a call from Brasil. It was Jair. He was just calling to see what I was doing and how I was doing. He was extremely busy with finishing up and graduating from the Institute of Military Engineering (IME) in Rio de Janeiro. So to get a phone call from him was VERY special in and of itself. After we talked for a few minutes and I said I wished he was here with me to enjoy beautiful SF he had to go and ended our conversation with an "I love you." I can tell you that the smile he gave me that day lasted several days! :) No every time he says "I love you" it puts a warm smile on my heart. I love you, too, Jair!! You are my best friend, my love, my family, my encourager, my leader in our home/marriage (after God). You are my everything and I love you with all of my heart!! 

These last 2 years haven't been the easiest I must say, but being married to Jair has been a piece of cake ;)~ He is an incredible man of God and husband and everything that I could ever need. I am sure him living with me (emotional, sad at times, lonely, moody, grumpy me....) is a lot harder on him! :) Even though these last 2 years haven't been all newlywed bliss, they have been amazing and such a growing experience for us. We wouldn't change them for anything! The times we both get to go away (to Rio, São Paulo, Fortaleza, Brasilia etc) are soooooo incredibly fun and relaxing! In some ways Jairs job is  a blessing cause the 14-21 days he sometimes has off are so fun to get to know each other allllll over again. I love having him home day and night with me and us being able to go and do whatever we want, whenever we want :) The hard times come when Jair is gone for 14 days (or like this long stretch...every WEEK for all of August, September and not sure about October). When I am alone and I begin to think about what I am missing back nieces n nephew, cousins and family moving back to CA that were like my own sisters, friends and family getting married, new babies coming, birthday parties, summer BBQs, sicknesses, new jobs, new homes etc.....THATs when my heart aches and Satan begins to attack. Thats when I get depressed and don't have good thoughts. Thats when I cry my eyes out for hours and wish there was some way we could move back to CA.....but then, often times, God grabs ahold of my heart and reminds me that HE is in control and HE knows what is best and HE loves me no matter what. I am reminded that God put me here for a reason and I am here to learn and grow and be in the present....of coarse that doesn't take away the pain and homesickness (saudades) of being away from my friends and family....but it helps me to see that God is in control of my life. I died to my old self and am living FOR Him. My goal here in Brasil is to be a shining light to others. I have made tons of friends but not many personal ones. However, its nice to see the familiar faces and see their smile when I talk to them. God is not done with us yet and He is still writing our life story. We are praying and continue to pray for HIS guidance wherever HE needs/wants us to be!! Until then, I am trying to just be still. Wait. Have patience that people back home won't forget about us. (as it oh so often feels like) And just wait IN the Lord for his will to be done.

These last 2 years have been such a growing experience in my life and I'm sure Jairs too. Our patience has been tested OHHHH so many times with things breaking down here left and right and no one wanting to fix it for over 7 months....among other things. Our love, growth, forgiveness, patience, words etc have blossomed over these last 2 years as well. I love Jair with all of my heart and can't wait to see what God does in his life and our life as we continue to seek out his will. Things can only get better from here on out, right??? Thats what they all say!! Happy 2 years and many many more to us, baby!! Love you <3 nbsp="nbsp" p="p">

August 14, 2010

Honeymoon in Paris, France



Love your thoughts cuz!
And I am right there with you, even though it's only been 1 day of being away from STINKS.:)
Love ya!

Aunt Nell said...

Thanks Connie~

Its REALLLY hard. Imagine being in another country....another language...another LIFE basically and no family and not much contact with family and your husband being gone alot..... :/ It really STINKS....but without our Heavenly Father I would go crazy. He is the only thing that keeps me sane and reminds me that I am right where he wants me. At least you have plans to move back.....we basically can't unless I basically support our family. :/ I don't mind working, but not sure if teaching would cover that :/ Its really hard. There are days I don't want to wake up or get out of bed and just cry.....I feel like I can't do this anymore and I just want to give up....It hurts not having your friends and family keep in contact...its hard when I feel like basically I am the only one trying to keep in contact and that they don't really care about us anymore. Its hard when I write my brothers n sister in laws and don't get responses back and the only time I can talk to my parents REALLY is when I call them. I fb chat with my mom sometimes but she only has like 2-5 min and has to work....Dani is the only one who has really kept in contact with me (family wise) and obviously its been hard the last few months with the baby etc
(which I totally understand) Its just hard when I know, see and read of other people who are away from their family either in another state or another country and their family calls them every day....once a week or sends them things etc.....I feel like if we were missionaries things would be different. But I am starting to just realize that my family is different and they only keep in contact with people who live near....guess I will never have that :/ But praising God for the FEW people who do call, write, send me things in the mail and once in a while keep up with us here. Its hard to be basically 95% alone in another country, but God is really teaching me and using me and helping me to grow closer to him! So I TOTALLY know how you are feeling and know that you ARE loved and you ARE prayed for and I AM here for you whenever you want!!! <3 you girl!!! ><> Shanaynay